The wonderful place we have called home for almost 15 years is on the market. We are so excited about our move and we know we are right where the Lord wants us to be. And our new home is AMAZING. But before we can really move on, there is the little detail of selling our current home.

Right now, here’s how the listing reads:

Beautifully updated home! 4 bedrooms, 3 updated full baths and beautiful eat in kitchen with granite countertops and custom cabinetry. Large master suite with room for a sitting area. Resort-like patio finished this past May with cedar pergola, separate covered patio and limestone fire pit with built in seating. Fresh paint and updated finishes throughout. Perfect family home in great neighborhood.

Not bad, right? I mean, sounds lovely and I’m sure any family will love to live here. The thing is, it’s not really accurate. It’s all true, mind you, but it’s not REALLY what’s going on behind these walls. And because I’m all about authenticity, as we know, I thought I’d take a stab at what the listing would read like if we were going to be really honest.

4 bedroom 3 bath home in amazing neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood where people know you and bring you stuff at Christmas. And ask about your kids. And pray for you. And drink on your front porch.

The kitchen is fantastic for cooking. And baking. Especially at Christmas. It’s also good for working things through in whispered tones so the kids don’t hear you fighting. And for making out later once you’ve made up. And for drying the tears of 2 year olds. And the upper cabinets are really high so you can put stuff there and your toddlers can’t get to it even if they stand on the counters. And also for feeding growing children. Lots and lots and lots of growing children. Some yours, some other people’s.

The tile floor is awesome because you can clean up everything, from throw up to flung jello, by just spraying with Simple Green and wiping up. Also, the entire home is awesome for dogs. Preferably ones that have been rescued. Rescued dogs LOVE this house and 6 have called it home in the 14 plus years the precious family lived here. And also a couple fish who didn’t do so well. I think maybe this house isn’t so good for fish.

The front porch swing is perfect for rocking babies. Yours, and other people’s. And if you’re really quiet you can sneak out there to read a magazine and your family won’t notice you left.

The very long driveway is awesome for tricycle riding as you can park your car across the end and your kids can’t accidentally ride into the street. And don’t worry if they do because the neighbors will all know your kids are prone to riding into the street and will be on the lookout.

The refrigerator is a pit. I would replace that for sure.

The back fire-pit is magical. If you start a fire, teenagers (sometimes yours, sometimes other people’s) will gather around it even if they’re in the middle of some amazing video game. And then they will tell you about stuff going on in their lives. We don’t know why.

There’s a church across the street. You’ll see weddings and funerals on a regular basis. It will be good for you. Because you’ll have perspective.

Oh, and there’s a horse buried in the church parking lot. They buried it there before it was a church. So if you hear a distant whining late at night . . I’m kidding. Nothing’s haunted. We don’t think.

Overall, I can promise you years of happy memories, a bunch of not so-happy ones, and  thousands of ordinary moments that you will remember your entire life.

And I can promise you, you’ll have the time of your life.