I started working full time when I was 18 years old. I continued working after our oldest was born but when I became pregnant with twins when I was 28, it was obvious that it was time for me to stay home full time. After all, with three children under four and a husband who traveled for work (and still does), the cost of day care would have been more than I made! I really did enjoy my years at home, although there were for sure some dark days. It was the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life and I challenge anyone who thinks being a stay at home parent is not really “work”. I think, actually, only the completely uninformed could even entertain that idea.

I went back when the twins were four and have been at it ever since. I love what I do, and as a pastor am very blessed to have a vocation that I truly feel is a calling. I rarely question if I’m in the right spot. I choose to work. But then again, so does my husband. The reality is, we could downsize into a smaller home, go down to one car, and get rid of the five iphones and my staying at home (or him doing so) would be relatively easy to pull off. But we’ve made a choice that works for us.

And then there’s this cultural thing (not to mention the very influential out-spoken pastors) that openly say that I’m not doing the “right” thing by working outside my home (I won’t name names, that’s not what this post is about). And quite honestly, I hesitated about even writing this post because I don’t want things thrown at me. I wonder if every time one of my boys has any kind of trouble (and yes, there’s LOTS of that!) if people shake their heads and say behind my back “well, if she stayed home, those things wouldn’t happen.”

I’ve even felt that from members of my own family.

But the truth is, Scott and I know we are doing God’s will for our life. Well, as much as anybody can truly “know”. We take stock on a regular basis and weigh the pros and cons of our very busy life. And of course, there are many days when it doesn’t work. But there are many more when it does, beautifully. And each time we pray and think and sit with Jesus we come up with the same thing: we are doing what is best FOR US.

It can go the other way too, right? When a parent (woman or man!) chooses to work for no pay (I first typed “stay home” there but seriously, that’s a lame way to describe what really happens!) it can be easy for those on the outside to question that path as well. A good friend of mine works a wonderful job that she loves while her husband is the primary care giver for their two kids, and it is definitely the best call for them. They are at peace with their decision and yet I know how many times she gets sideways glances or feels the judgement of others for their choice. Sadly, especially in the church.

So what’s the point? I’m not sure except that I would love to see a day where we can all not only respect each other’s decisions, but support them. Actually BE there for each other and not use our choices for vocation and how we spend our work hours as a weapon with which we hurt each other or a measuring stick by which we determine who is parenting “correctly”. Because we all share the same fears and struggles as parents and if we can’t be there for each other unless we share the same vocational choices, I fear we are missing so much. My best friend only went back to work very part time recently, and I can tell you in the 10 years of our friendship (all of which I’ve worked outside the home) she has been my biggest cheer leader in my work and in my parenting and has never once made me feel “less than” because we have chosen different paths.

Pray. Think. Be Wise. Make your choice. And know that God loves you where you are and is walking that journey right alongside you. Because THAT’S the best way to parent. And Work. And Live.

Happy Running (and working and loving and caring).

Jen