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Regular blog readers who are here for the running stuff, please excuse the interruption but I’m hijacking my own blog for a minute to talk about something else. Don’t worry, we’ll get back to talking about PR’s and hydration and running marathons soon . . .
I am a wife, a mom, and an ordained pastor. I work for a great church where I feel supported and loved, am empowered to do my job and to lead with all of my gifts and where my husband and I have been able to raise our family for the past 12 years. It’s been a wonderful village and we are incredibly blessed.
So please don’t hear this as a gripe against my reality. But I do have some words and I’m fearful as I write them. That I will be labeled an “angry feminist”, that there will be those horrible comments down at the bottom calling into question the biblical rightness of what I’m doing, quoting scripture and informing me that I’m going against God’s will. And the truth is, although I’m a gifted and strong leader, I’m also pretty much just a heart with legs walking around serving Jesus, so don’t do that OK?
But sometimes I feel for my husband. Because as a Pastor’s Husband I don’t know that there’s much out there for him by the way of support. We have our close friends and community and we love them, but there are specific challenges he faces and there’s really nothing out there for him.
I did a search for “support for pastor’s husbands” and got . . . almost nothing. There were a couple of blogs and a book written in 2005 but nothing really current and nothing that made me say “wow, Scott has to read this!” But he still faces some very real challenges.
So what would I like to see? Well, first off, maybe all those articles about pastor’s families could stop making assumptions that the spouse of a pastor is always a woman. Seems like even if we disagree theologically on that, we could stretch to be a bit more inclusive in our language. Because although a book called “Counsel For Pastor’s Wives” might be great, the title alone would make Scott believe that book was clearly not for him. So yeah, that would be awesome.
Secondly, maybe just some wise words for him about how to handle your wife leading at the church where you worship. It can’t be easy for him, as my safe venting place, to hear of frustrations and struggles with those I work with and then to walk into our sanctuary and worship and serve. Sometimes his “protection mode” goes into full gear and I love that he feels that way – but those he’s feeling are hurting me are also our brothers and sisters and it gets, well, messy. Which is true regardless of the genders involved, I guess, so surely we can find some good stuff on that and just change the pronouns in our minds as we read?
The truth is I’m not sure what we want. I just know that article after article about pastor’s wives, and blog after blog about Christian families that constantly use the male pronoun for the pastor and the female pronoun for the spouse are starting to wear me out a bit. I’m struggling to get past the assumptions to get to the good stuff.
As a leader, a mom and a wife, I long to start seeing my family represented somewhere. Maybe we’re still too much of an anomaly to warrant much, but we are out there and our numbers are growing every year. And our husbands deserve support and encouragement.
I agree with you. I am also an ordained pastor, but then so is my husband. However, I am leading a conference for pastors spouses – which includes husbands – and there is virtually nothing out there for support. Honestly, it’s a bit discouraging.
I’m finding that even outside of evangelical circles (where I get, female pastors is still relatively new) there is little if any support for the spouses if they happen to be guys. Let me know how your conference goes! I’d actually love to see the guys themselves dialogue about what they really need and what would be helpful. Thanks for your comment!!