So you’re a working mom, huh? Honestly, I never really liked that term because I was a mom who stayed home for awhile and that was really hard work. So, for the purpose of this post, let’s say you’re a working mom who works outside of the home? Maybe less offensive. Maybe not.
But I think we can all agree that working outside of the home full time and raising kids is TOUGH. Wait, raising kids at all is tough. So let’s go this way: if you work 40 – 50 hours a week outside of the home AND you’re trying to raise humans that won’t end up part of the system, you need extra support. A LOT of extra support.
Through my 15 years as a working mom, there were 3 people I HAD to have in my life. Without them, it all fell apart. Let me introduce you to them:
The Best Friend
Don’t ditch her. I don’t care if she stays home full time (mine did), if she lives where you do, or if she doesn’t even HAVE kids. A girl needs her best friend. I would talk to mine almost every day and if was very Gayle and Oprah of us. She needed me, I needed her, and she was my safe landing spot. That person where I could pick up the phone and not even say anything and she would instantly know something was up. Have you lost touch with her? Go call her RIGHT NOW. She is essential. And don’t give me that “my husband is my best friend” crap. Yes, he is. But you need a best GIRL friend. Trust me. And actually, if she also stays home full time that’s even better because she’ll remind you that her life isn’t perfect and you’ll remind her that yours isn’t either.
The Mom Who Has Kids in The Same Grade As Your Kids and Also Works
Because she gets what you’re going through. And when you both get the email for the PTO leadership meeting that is scheduled AGAIN at 10am on a Monday, you’ll need someone to text “are you freaking kidding me?” She is the one who won’t judge you for driving through McDonald’s to grab dinner and also will NEVER say “it’s odd we didn’t see you at the school fundraiser.” Bonus points if you all can share “mandatory” school meetings. While we’re on that, very few meetings are actually mandatory. No one will die if you don’t go and, in my experience, most school meetings are a power point presentation that I can read. I don’t like meetings that only contain information that I can read. The mom in your kid’s school and you can switch off going to the truly mandatory meetings (my example was the first middle school band meeting – I went and gave her the notes. Wait, maybe she went and gave me the notes. I forget). Find this woman. You’ll be able to spot her because she’ll be at open house but still be in her work clothes and look exhausted. And her kids will smell like McDonald’s. Just walk up and start talking.
The Working Mom at Work
Also, absolutely essential. You MUST have another working mom at your employer. Mine was easy to find. In fact, I was already there when she was pregnant with her first so I just made her be my work-mom bestie. I’m not sure I even asked. Huh. This mom knows what you mean when you say you can’t make the meeting because you have an offsite meeting (you’re actually going to the gyno) or why you’re falling asleep at your desk because your sweet offspring had the flu and your husband stayed home from work today but you took the night shift. She will bring you coffee. Or she will meet you for wine when you cannot believe the misogynist thing your mutual employer said AGAIN (even though he didn’t mean it that. Bless his heart.) You must go find her.
My 3 women were there for me for years, and I couldn’t have done life as a mom and full-time employee without them. My husband was my partner, but these girls were my back-up band. And I, by the way, was theirs. At least I hope I was. You kind of hope it all turns out even at the end of it all, but, in fact, it rarely does. You’ll give more or she will.
But either way, the benefit is functioning children that will be the one’s funding our Social Security so isn’t it in all our best interest to get them through childhood in good shape? I say yes.
Now go gather your tribe. And don’t ever apologize for what you need. Because you are amazing.