One of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, says that shame tries to stop us in two acts. The first act says “you will fail, you shouldn’t even try.” If you push past that, the second act goes like this “why do you think you’re so special that you can do this? Who do you think you are?”

So who do I think I am? I’m 42 years old, for pete’s sake. I have never been athletic. I’m not naturally gifted as an athlete, I don’t have the body of an athlete (more that of a German baker, frankly). I’m too busy to run a marathon. I have 3 children, a demanding job where I help other people. I don’t NEED to run a marathon. What am I trying to prove? It’s most likely as bad for my knees as everyone says and btw, did you read that another marathoner dropped dead after running 26.2 miles? Oh, and running is really bad for you. Clearly you should know that by now.

OK, self talk (and occasionally my mother), I shall take on your points one at a time.

So who do I think I am? I’m 42 years old, for pete’s sake.
Yes, I am. And last year I was 41. And next year I’ll be 43. What’s your point?
 
 I have never been athletic. I’m not naturally gifted as an athlete, I don’t have the body of an athlete (more that of a German baker, frankly).

All of this is 100% true and makes it all the more important that I do this. Running keeps my German baker body strong and helps me avoid the heart disease and diabetes that plagues my family.
 
I’m too busy to run a marathon. I have 3 children, a demanding job where I help other people. I don’t NEED to run a marathon. What am I trying to prove?

Well, honestly? I’m not trying to prove anything! I just need something in my life that’s not about other people and their expectations. It’s OK if other people don’t get it. Because I get it. And it’s great for my kids because they see me doing something for me – and I hope they model that behavior when they have families of their own and (since I have all boys) encourage it in their wives the way Scott has encouraged me!!
 
 It’s most likely as bad for my knees as everyone says and btw, did you read that another marathoner dropped dead after running 26.2 miles? Oh, and running is really bad for you. Clearly you should know that by now.

Yes, I know. But interestingly, while in the ICU with a dear friend who had a cardiac incident while taking his black belt (it was just a misfiring – don’t worry – they fixed him up) the nurse said “it’s nice to see someone in here who actually takes care of himself for a change. That’s not what we usually see.” I’ll take my chances on the dying during the marathon thing since statistically I’m more likely to die from a bee sting or a snake bite. I looked it up.

I run because I can. Because God showed me a long time ago how it can help me deal with my anxiety, my depression, my grief and my thunder thighs. Ironically, I think my thighs are actually bigger now but they don’t move around as much so that’s something right? Although I can’t be so dramatic as to say running has saved my life, I think it’s fair to say it has saved my sanity. My best thinking, my best dreaming, my best prayers and spiritual clarity all happen when I’m running. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And btw, I leave for Chicago a week from Saturday. Just in case you were wondering;).

Happy Running!!

Jen