I have been struggling with discouragement.

And it sucks.

Have you ever been discouraged? Like Eeyore discouraged? Like why do I bother, I’m not appreciated and I just want to hide under the covers discouraged? And besides, why bother attaching my tail again when it’s just going to fall off again anyway?

It’s different than depression. That I know. That I get and know how to deal with. Discouragement is just like a thud. A sudden, powerful thunder storm on your beautiful parade. A big fly in your margarita.

And it hurts.

It doesn’t matter what caused it, and who knows why this time the difficult to take comments hit me so hard but they did. And I’m still having  a hard time recovering.

But I know I’m not alone.

For some bizarre reason, my time in the bible lately keeps going to Lamentations. Really, Lord? Lamentations? I see myself as more of a Psalms girl or maybe James, but Lamentations? BLECH!

Let’s try this for instance:

“I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath. He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; indeed, he has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long.” Lamentations 3:1-3

Well that’s just a lovely way to start your day, ain’t it? Yet God won’t release me. Time and time again I keep ending up there and honestly? It’s mimicking much of what is in my own soul.

So what do I do?

Well, I’ll tell you what I’m NOT going to do. I’m not gonna wallow in self pity. But I’m also not going to minimize my pain. It’s real and I’m gonna feel it. I’m not gonna numb it with food, or reality television or even running. I’m going to experience it. Every sucky, not-fun, tears down my cheek and running into my mouth bit of it. Because it is the journey and in it, I find my life.

The writer of this particular chapter of Lamentations did it, too. I know he  did (author may be Jeremiah or may be an “anonymous mourner”) because he (or she) ended his wailing this way:

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:21-23

Yup, I bet you didn’t know THAT came after all that sorrow. I mean I learned that last part as a song when I was a kid but nobody told me about the “he has filled me with bitter herbs and salted me with gall” part of that chapter. And you know what that tells me? My God gets me. He gets my pain and my sorrow and my discouragement. And He’s there anyway.

And, like Forrest Gump, that’s all I have to say about that.

Happy running. And feeling.

Jen