Me at my first half marathon. I was a newbie once, too. I love newbies!

Yes. That is a very long title. But here’s the thing: we don’t mean to, we don’t do it on purpose, but us runners (yes, I’m talking to YOU) tend to use words that we assume other people understand and they don’t. And we make them feel stupid. And I’m not OK with that ESPECIALLY when those who feel stupid are new to the sport and fragile and all.

As a late in life runner who didn’t start my addiction until I was 38, I know this feeling. You’re too embarrassed to ask but these running people use all these weird words that sound like a secret language! Conversation example:

Runner #1: I’m headed out to do 4×400’s because I’ve really got to do some speed work if I want to BQ this season. At the very least I’m hoping for a PR but if I can’t get this IT band squared away I’m hosed. My new foam roller is really helping.

Runner #2: I know, right? I’m really working on my negative splits because you know what they say – negative splits make PR’s! (runners laugh amongst themselves like dorks – newbie feels like they are in another country) And have you tried ice baths for your IT issues? They’ve really helped me out!

Newbie runner: (stunned silence. Shakes head. Considers crossfit as it may be less confusing)

So let’s break it down. When I put this on the FB page you people went crazy and there’s no way I can cover them all but there were some stand-outs in the “what you talkin’ bout Willis” category so here we go:

PR: personal record. Also sometimes called a PB (especially if you’re British). Basically the best you’ve ever done in a particular distance. Sadly, you can only claim a PR for the distance if the race IS that distance (so that time I NAILED a 5K at the beginning of a marathon I don’t get to claim. And by the way? That’s a really bad idea. speaking of which . . )

Negative Splits: This is when you start out slow and get progressively faster. You want the last half of your race to be quicker than the first half. (the marathon that I nailed the first 5K wasn’t too pretty at mile 18 . . .)

Fartleks (giggle giggle): Literally means “at play”. Periods of speed followed by periods of rest like you would run when you were a kid (think mailbox to mailbox). If it’s going to be done in the fartlek spirit, it’s supposed to be fun. But I usually throw up when I do them so I’m not sure how fun that is.

Speed Work: This can mean a lot of things but the most common for me are 4×400’s and 4×800’s. This is one time around a track (400 meters) at a hard effort and then a recovery lap and then back at the speed again. The 800’s are the same thing but you go around the track hard twice with a recovery lap in between. And I HATE 4×800’s. They may be satanic.

Taper: the two or three week period leading up to a half or full marathon where you go down in mileage considerably and trust your training, supposedly so your legs are “fresh” on race day and also so you don’t injure yourself. Also, in my experience, a period of extreme stress as you slowly convince yourself you have forgotten how to run.

Starting Corral: in larger races, where they line you up for the start (usually divided out by a rope or just some orange cones. You’re not actually IN a corral). Divided out by pace. So in theory, the faster runners are towards the front, us middle of the packers are in the middle, and mostly if you’re a newbie you’ll start in the back. Or, as my husband calls it, “where the real party is.” Although many people try to move to a faster corral, I think it’s a bad idea to start anywhere other than the pace you’ll actually run because you’ll start out too fast and that’s not a good thing (see negative splits or let me tell you about my worse marathon ever next time you see me for proof)

Foam Roller: It’s a round hard piece of foam used as a torture device that works out trigger points and breaks up lactic acid and prevents injury. I love mine. And I hate mine. So yeah, that. It looks like this:

BQ: Boston Qualifying time. If someone is “going for a BQ” they are trying to finish a race fast enough to qualify them for Boston. If I can maintain my current race pace, I have a slight shot at it when I’m 80. Some runners even get this tattooed on their arm once they’ve achieved it which I find very strange. Before I was a runner I would assume they were a big fan of Blizzards and the tattoo artist messed up the letters (let me know when you get that one).

QUALIFYING TIMES (stolen from the BAA website)

And last but not least, since we’re heading into the spring running season and because my friend Stephanie forgot to use this JUST TODAY and is paying the price:

BODY GLIDE: It comes in a thing like deodorant and you put it on anyway that might rub or chafe. This would be nipples for the guys, feet for everybody, and bra lines and thighs typically for the ladies. You can buy it at Amazon or at any running or sports store. Buy it. Use it.

Hope that’s helped somebody!

Happy Running!!

Jen