I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about women and our friendships. I teach a class on relationships for our church, and when doing the research I came across a study that women diagnosed with cancer who have a close circle of friends are 4 TIMES less likely to die than women who say they have 10 or less “significant relationships”. You can read the article here.

4 times less likely to DIE.

That’s an almost unbelievable number to me. But I get it. I really do. I am blessed with a tribe of women, three tribes, actually, that are there for me in the different areas of my life.

• My Work Tribe – women who are, for the most part, also in ministry and are there for me to vent, to whine, to help make decisions. They’re the ones that truly understand and can empathize with how hard it is to juggle the impossible needs of ministry with the equally impossible needs of my family.
• My Running Tribe – these women push me to take chances, encourage me and laugh with me when I fail in a goal, and are constantly dragging me all around the nation to run with them. And I met them all online which makes for a great story and makes us all seem like a bunch of wackos. Which is an entirely reasonable assumption.
• My Sister Tribe – These are the women who have my back no matter what. I would trust them with my life. They know my kids and love them like their own, they love my husband, they know all my family baggage, and there’s nothing I couldn’t be vulnerable with them about. They are what the bible talks about when it mentions “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (sister)”. 

My tribes keep me sane. They keep me laughing. They keep me upright and out of the ditch. And my prayer is always that I do the same for them. I didn’t get them overnight. In fact, much of my life (due to lots of moving when I was a kid and a lot of insecurities) I didn’t have these kind of close friendships. And although my husband really is my best friend and I love him dearly, prior to the existence of the tribes I fear that I often asked him to fill a space in my life that was not his to fill.

We are meant to be in relationships with others. We are, in fact, designed by our creator for it. So if you’re reading this, and you’re not there, what can you do??

Pray about it. God really does care deeply about this for you.

Make time for it and put things in your life that will facilitate relationships. Staying on FB and never leaving the comfort of your family room or your office is not likely to elicit these kinds of friendships. Attend a bible study, take a class, ask that woman you met and feel really connected to out to lunch. Baby steps. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and my friendships have taken me quite literally almost a decade to develop. It takes time and intentionality because nobody has time for this unless they think they can’t survive without it.

Be willing to be vulnerable. You’re a mess. I’m a mess. We all are. Stop thinking you’re the only one struggling and the only one alone. That if people really knew you, they would find out how awful you really are. That’s a lie. A serious, audacious, straight from the pit of hell lie.

You are a loved child of God. You were meant for relationships. You need other women in your life. Go find it. Go fight for it. And when you’ve found your tribe, thank God for them every day. I know I do for mine.

Oh, and if you’re looking for some encouragement in this area, for some words to lift your soul and for some great resources to facilitate these kinds of relationships in your life, check out my friend Crystal Gornto’s website at Heart Stories. She’s doing great work in this area, and I can’t wait to see how God uses all she’s doing!

Happy Running!!

Jen