We are smack dab in the middle of figuring out care solutions for an aging parent.
It’s hard, it’s messy, it’s frustrating and there are more decisions to be made than I honestly ever imagined. I know I’m not alone in this and there are many of us out there doing the same thing.
Here on the inter webs, I see a lot of people writing letters to their younger selves. I’m led, however, to write a different type of letter. One that I can read to myself when I am older. And I will be older. And my body will start to fail. And my kids will be frustrated and feel at a loss for how to help.
Dear Jennifer,
You don’t know how you got here, it went too fast, and yes, you’re stunned, but you’re old.
Your sons and their wives are now responsible for your care and there are a few things I want to say to you that I think you will need to remember.
- They love you and only want what’s best for you. It may seem like they are being intrusive and nosey and incredibly bossy, but their hearts are in the right place so try to listen well and pick your battles.
- They’re new to this whole thing, too, and they’re going to make mistakes. They’ve never cared for an older person and you’ve never been an older person. So listen and be kind.
- You’re not necessarily going to know when it’s time to stop being independent. If the boys, and their wives, and every medical professional you meet says it’s time for some full time care, please listen.
- Doctors are not idiots. Even when they act like they are. They need to be listened to and their orders need to be followed. Please do this. So that your kids and their wives can sleep at night.
- Be honest. The kids actually want to know how you’re feeling, and they are past needing you to be “strong” for them. If you don’t feel well, tell them. If you’re feeling like you can’t manage things on your own, please don’t try to be brave. We know the truth. You know the truth. So let’s all live in the light of that reality.
This is going to be rough on you. But it’s rough on them, too. They love you and seeing your body fail you is a difficult thing for all of you to face. But if you can listen well and lean into the advice and care of others, I think we’ll all be OK.
And I’m sure you’re still gorgeous so sit up straight and live out these last few years with style.
Jen