The twins are on a church mission trip, my oldest spent the night at a friend’s, and my husband is on a trip so I’m all by my lonesome in my house and so, of course, I have to write! I am one of those people who loves to be alone and yes, I love my family, too, but heavy helpings of quiet in my own space are water to my soul! But I have a big meeting today and I want to tell you about it. But first, some background!

My journey with running has been well documented here, but in case you’re new, these are the important things to know:

1. I was NOT an athlete growing up. AT ALL. Hated PE. Hated running. Hated sports. Didn’t start running until my late 30’s.
2. I don’t run to win, I run to stay sane and because it’s fun and I love it. Truly love it. And I’m actually not all that competitive (sure, I’ll find somebody on a race and try to pass them to keep it interesting but if that same person looked like they needed encouragement, I have been known to stop and sit on a curb and chat with them, so clearly, not very competitive.)
3. I actually don’t think speed matters unless you want it to. My friends that run 6 hour marathons are just as impressive to me as my one friend who runs them in Boston Qualifying time. In fact, the 6 hour marathoners may be more impressive because of the tenacity it takes to stick with it and finish well.
4. (and this one may be the most important) I am not genetically gifted for speed. I’m a hard worker and I’m ridiculously tenacious about finishing what I start, but I have to work incredibly hard to train for every race. No short cuts. No running with very little training (like my husband has been known to do which makes me crazy because we end up finishing with very similar times! So unfair!!)

My running heroes are people like Jeff Galloway and John Bingham – the runners who teach about running slow and steady and staying injury free for a lifetime of running. I love that! I eat that for breakfast! And no, unless by some miracle I’m still running when I’m 80, I’m not shooting for a BQ and I’m not planning on turning into Kara Goucher.

BUT having said all that, I have come to a stand-still in my progress. After 4 years of consistent training, I’m pretty much the same exact pace as when I started. And although I never talk about time, I will make an exception for this post since we need to know where we’re starting from if we’re going to see progress. (not sure why I said we there, maybe I need to feel like we’re all in this together?)

So, my first half marathon, The 2010 Dallas RockNRoll, my time was 2:36. Not bad for a first half and I figured it would get much better from there on out.

My PR for a half I achieved just this past April at the Irving Half Marathon. Time? 2:29. OK, so yes, I realize that’s a 7 minute difference but really? After 4 years of training, I really had hoped for better. And here’s the real truth. And this is the thing I think I need a coach to help me with. The hard reality about me that I’m going to have to face if I want to improve:

I’m scared.

I’m almost positive I have a fifth gear that I’ve never used. A higher level of intensity that I’ve never engaged. What am I scared of? Injury for sure. Maybe my heart exploding? I’m not sure. But I truly feel that there is a speedier runner in me waiting to be set free.

So, at 10:30 today, I’m meeting with a friend who has offered to work with me. She’s one of those amazing athletes that actually WINS a lot of our local races and bonus, I really love her so it’s a win/win. But that scares me, too! Because what if I do what she says, I put in the extra time, the extra effort and the extra risk (because yes, when you push harder you DO increase risk of injury) and I’m still the same pace? What do I do then?

Well, then I guess I just keep on keeping on but at least I will have tried. I will have done everything I could to reach my full potential as a runner. And I’ll just keep lacing up, going out, battling depression and anxiety one footfall at a time, and giving Run Disney most of my expendable income. And that’s OK, too.

And of course, I’ll be blogging about the journey because this is how I process. Would love to know your experiences with a running coach! Consider posting a comment below. Because I can use all the encouragement I can get and your words will inform and encourage others as well!!

And no matter our pace, I will never forget that my primary goal is HAPPY RUNNING.

Jen