(I wrote this post in the time it takes to boil water for mac and cheese. This will make you think I am either brilliant or lazy. I don’t care. Enjoy.)
I was a freshman in high school. I remember it like it just happened.
(don’t worry, this isn’t actually a violent or abusive story. Well, maybe an emotionally abusive one. No trigger alert needed.)
My small group of friends and I were walking across the common area at our high school. It was a pretty day and we were just chatting. I thought it was a good day.
Then I did something random (which to this day I am wont to do). I don’t recall what it was. Maybe I told a corny joke? Did I sing some Disney song lyric a little too loudly? Did I make an awkward observation?
And the leader of our group, Sabrina, stopped and turned. She looked at the other girls and said “I just can’t take her anymore.” And then they all walked away and left me standing there.
I’m not sure how I knew she didn’t want me to follow them. I mean, she did’t say “YOU! STAY THERE!” But it was very clear they were breaking up with me. All of them. Making me feel small and stupid and strange. And they just stopped being my friends. Right then and there. Like I never existed.
And the pain of that moment hurt for years. Who am I kidding. Even 35 years later, it still hurts.
Looking back I think I get what was going on. I had just joined our school’s production of South Pacific (in the chorus. I was one of the nurses. I rocked it) and was becoming friends with a lot of upper class-men and I THINK that Sabrina felt her place as the coolest girl in our group was slipping.
Or maybe she was just having a really bad day.
But the thing that I think hurt the most wasn’t that she shunned me, but that ALL THE OTHER GIRLS went with her. No one stayed and defended me. Not one.
And I still wonder if they remember that moment.
Girls, if any of you are reading this, I want you to know I don’t blame any of you.
We were very young and insecure. And, the truth is, that moment was a gift for me in many ways. Because I was in that production and I rocked it and I would go on to play a Kit Kat girl in Guys and Dolls the following year and even get involved in community theater where I amazingly even played parts like Mrs. Staycosh in Funny Girl. OK, no, it wasn’t the lead part but I was amazing.
If you want, next time you see me, ask me to sing If a Girl Isn’t Pretty. I still know all the words.
I’m actually super grateful for that moment because it taught me empathy. And why it’s not OK to save seats. And why we should all wake up every morning and try really hard not to be ass holes.
So if today, you had a Sabrina T . . . . (seriously I remember her full name but I’m not using it because she may read my blog or we may have a mutual FB friend and I don’t want to wound her) Where was I?
Oh, yes, if today you had a Sabrina T. wound you – at school, at work, on a train, in a mall – I want you to know that you are not weird or insignificant or quirky or strange.
Well, you may be weird and quirky and strange. But you are NOT insignificant.
And you can come and sit with me. Because where the freak flags fly is a much better place to be than with the cool kids.
The End
Well Jennifer you are not alone. In my instance Sabrina T was called Maria P and decades later I too still remember her last name. I don’t think I have ever told another soul about this. I went to a Catholic school in a small English village and Maria was the most popular girl, not because she was sweet or kind or beautiful but because she was basically a beeyotch and had her own posse of catholic schoolgirl henchwomen to carry out her every bidding.Everyone was scared of her, even the nuns. She tormented me mercilessly perhaps because I was somewhat geeky, lanky, skinny, flat chested, big glasses etc etc – you get the picture . On one particular day, for some reason , Maria was so nice to me , even the henchwomen were nice. I was finally in! She finally liked me! We went to gym class on the field, we were all dressed in the obligatory white gym shirts,short skirts and huge gym knickers. We had a break and I was invited to sit down with the posse. Before I knew what was happening I was pushed back on the grass and Maria stood over my head. I will never forget the sight of her arse, clad in those giant blue knickers ( I even remember the color) aimed at my face. And then it happened…that beeyotch…there is no way to say this delicately..she squatted down and farted in my face. I gotta tell ya – that ain’t pleasant.
Anyhoo, I survived high school and Maria P. Last thing I heard she was still living in the village, divorced once or twice, multiple kids from multiple sources 😜 But at least she taught me that you really can’t die from total, utter, complete humilation 😂😂
Wow. What is WRONG with mean girls?!?! I don’t get it! Maria P and Sabrina T, Fiona and I are lovely people and we have lovely lives. We actually DO wish the best for you. And we hope you grew up to be nicer people. Now I want to go find you a Hallmark card that says “sorry that mean girl farted on your head”.
So, I found your blog from your YouTube channel. (I’m just over watching videos tonight….anyway). From one quirky girl to another…let your freak flag fly high!!! I have teen girls and I’m living my teen years again in the best and worst ways. Most girls are mean. Always have been, always will be. Thanks for the perspective. Mom quote: “You will never regret being kind”
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, Becky!! Yes, us quirky girls are the BEST KIND, in my opinion!!