Before I even get into this post, I need to type some words to all my amazing friends who have struggled with infertility or have lost a child. This day is inexpressibly difficult and I want you all to know that I love you and that you are not forgotten. And to those of you who have recently lost your mom, I am especially thinking of you. You know who you are.
Have you ever been disappointed on Mother’s Day?
I have. Lots.
I am married to a good, kind, sweet and loving man. He’s a good father, a loving husband, and has made me laugh more often then any other human on the planet (including Jimmy Fallon).
But he’s not really all that good at holidays. He really tries and has good intentions, but holidays aren’t his thing. They’re MY thing.
I am the holiday Maverick and he is my Goose. It’s just the way it goes.
So Mother’s Day is tough because poor Goose is out there trying to do it all by himself. And because my love language is evidently “do big things for me on holidays” he’s in trouble.
Big trouble.
A few years ago, I realized I was dreading Mother’s Day and didn’t know why and than it hit me.
I was expecting things from this kind, loving, good man that he had very little aptitude for. And the thing is, I know this about him. And yet I continued to pester him for not trying hard enough and not getting the kids involved QUITE ENOUGH and not buying the right thing for me QUITE ENOUGH. (I realize this post is not making me seem like an angel. Sorry.)
But this will be my 19th Mother’s Day and I am determined to change how I celebrate.
Now don’t get me wrong, they will do nice things for me and do their best to make me feel special, but I’m changing it from a day of impossible expectations to a day where I practice intentional gratitude that I am a mom. Not by expecting the moon and the stars from my husband and my children but just thinking and reflecting on how much I’ve been given.
After all, the big winner in the mothering is . . . ME.
It’s a gift from a good God who loves me. So I’m lowering the expectations and I’m going to spend the day looking at my precious babies (who are all old and tall and stuff) and reminding myself that not everyone gets to do this and I need to ALWAYS say thank you. Both for my own mom, and for the blessing of being a mom.
And speaking of my own mom, who is a faithful reader of this blog, I love you. Thank you for pointing me to a loving God, for always giving me what I needed and often what I wanted, and for being my biggest fan.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Jen
I love this! Learning to let go of unrealistic expectations is truly a gift to ourselves. Allowing ourselves to be grateful for the genuine gift of love from our spouse and children is so much more meaningful than the ‘stuff’!
Great post & happy Mother’s Day to you!!!
Great post! It’s the opposite in our house. My husband is wonderful at holidays and is always so thoughtful with the gifts and celebrations. I’m just really bad at them 🙁 I always feel guilty and stressed as they come close because I know I’ll never be as good at them. But I think we’ve found a good system where he gives my hints and I execute. I’m good at that part, just not the thinking of things. By the way, I came over from the Wine and Dine facebook page 🙂
YAY!! Click on the Run Disney page to read all my running stuff – including Wine and Dine from the last couple of years!
I love your line about the big winner in mothering. I love my kids, my kids love me – I do the best I can for them… it’s all good. I don’t need to waste money on gifts or meals in crowded, noisy restaurants. I would rather play boardgames in the park, have a picnic, feed ducks… and in fact, I would rather plan the festivities if there are any!
And I also feel for women who would love to be Mommies and aren’t. *sigh*
I know exactly what you mean, my husband is a great man, but he stinks at holidays. I get upset sometimes because I think ‘if I really mattered….’ but I know I matter. He shows it daily. 🙂