Years ago, 10 to be exact, I was a stay at home mom. Well, almost. I worked very part time at our church in the bed baby room of our moms day out program so the twins got their pre-school there for free, so close.

And then, like many of you reading this, our financial situation required that I go back to work. Well, that’s not entirely true – we either had to move to a cheaper house and community or I had to go back to work, and I love our neighborhood and, most importantly, the school district so I chose the work.

The first year was very hard.

No, that’s not a typo. It took me an entire year to get my groove. And there are a few things I wish someone had told me during that transition period that would have made it much easier and potentially much shorter so now I’m going to share them with you. Are you ready?? Get a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, light a candle and let’s chat, shall we??

1. You have GOT to either lower your standards OR hire help. You truly have no other choice. You just went from having lots of hours in a week to clean (albeit with a million interruptions but still) to almost zero. So either get comfortable with the mess or hire a capable house keeper ASAP. (I have tried both ways and I am much happier with paid help every other week to keep the mess under control. If it’s at all possible, do this.)
2. For the first 6 months AT LEAST, say no to EVERYTHING that is not your job or your family (and maybe your church). You are in a major adjustment period and your guilt about letting everyone down may get the better of you and you may try to “do it all” – keep volunteering as the room mom, volunteering with the soup kitchen, coaching the soccer team AND working 40 – 50 hours a week. This is neither possible nor advisable. “I can’t, I just went back to work full time” is an excellent excuse and is rarely if ever questioned.  I tried to live in both worlds for a while and it didn’t work. I was sad and frustrated and so were my kids and husband. Once we were all used to it I slowly started to add bible study and other things I loved back in but I still say NO to most things. It’s the reality of only 24 hours in each day.
3. YOU have to stay on the list. You have to keep taking care of yourself physically. I have a working mom friend who uses her lunch hour to work out while others get up before everybody else or drive straight to the gym after work. DO NOT feel guilt for taking that extra 30 – 45 minutes for you. I promise your family will be better off if you are healthy and filled with endorphins than if you are martyred and out of shape.
4. GUILT IS NOT ALLOWED. I say this one to myself all the time. Are your kids getting as much of you as they did when you were a stay at home mom? Um . . NO. But you know what? They will be fine. They really will. They have a whole world full of caring adults that are there for them and I firmly believe my kids are healthier and stronger BECAUSE I’ve worked (mostly because I am a control freak but that’s another blog post).
5. Set expectations with your spouse RIGHT NOW. When you were at home, chances are you took the lion share of housework and other daily stuff. If you don’t re-divie up all the stuff it either will fall back on you or it won’t get done, so decide what doesn’t have to be done AT ALL, what each of you WANT to do, and then divide up the rest 50/50. And then put it in writing. I’m serious. It took me too long to figure this out.
6. One day a week, take off. For us, this is Saturday. We work really hard (together) on Fridays to get everything cleaned up and (when possible) even the laundry done so Saturday we can all relax. We either get take out or eat snack food (it’s one day, nutrition be danged) and Scott and I are off WITH the kids. We’ve actually strictly limited their sports and other activities (yes, they’ll live if they don’t go to every birthday party) to maintain this over the years and I’ve never regretted it.
7. Find other working moms. Your stay at home mom friends are still your friends so don’t ditch them BUT find some working moms to process with who can really get where you’re coming from. They are invaluable. 

Lastly, don’t lose your sense of humor and don’t be too hard on yourself. The transition can be tough, but you WILL get there and before you know it, you’ll be able to write your own blog post giving advice to other moms (and dads) walking the path you’re walking. And literally before you know it (3 and a half years for me) you won’t be a working mom anymore. You’ll just be a working person with grown up kids. And that will be sad. But it will also be way easier (I’m just saying).

Jen