A few years back, when The Bachelor featured a commercial airline pilot as the eligible gentleman, I couldn’t help but laugh (as did many of my fellow airline spouses) at the perception that pilots are this rare breed of untouchable human. And that they’re really rich. That part was maybe the funniest to those of us in the industry.

Since I grew up the daughter of a pilot (my dad was in the Air Force and then flew for Continental), marrying into the profession seemed normal.

But the airline industry, and the lives of those of us married to it?  NOT normal.

Here are some myths and weird things that you may not know about commercial airline pilots:

Schedules are unpredictable and we don’t know them until the middle of the month before.

So, unless he has scheduled vacation, expect us to be flakey on dinner invitations, theater tickets and small groups at church. It’s just the way it is. It can make it very hard to make (and keep) friends and it’s really tough to get excited about something that’s months out (well if we want him to be there) because one just never knows. I’m very comfortable going places by myself, but sometimes it’s hard being the only one alone when you’re at a couples type of thing. But if I wasn’t OK with that, I wouldn’t get out much. Also, if he’s home and he’s been on the road a lot, we are unlikely to say yes to much because he just wants to stay home and be with me and our kids (and our dogs which he acts like he hates but secretly adores). And we want that, too.

Yes, we fly for “free” but most times of the year, we don’t .

Why? Well, if my kids are out of school then so are the children of everyone else in the country (or at least typically our state) so we will purchase our tickets or drive. Think about it: Have you been on many flights during school holidays with lots of empty seats? I’m going to guess no. Those full flights are FANTASTIC for this industry but not so great for employee families taking advantage of their free tickets. It’s a fabulous benefit that I have enjoyed many times, but it’s also not quite as easy as it may seem to take advantage of. As Jerry Seinfeld once joked, they call it stand-by because you stand in the airport and wave “bye” to everyone who bought their ticket.

Holidays must be flexible.

For example, this year he’s working Christmas and New Year’s. So our Christmas will be on 12/23. No big deal – when the kids were little they understood that Santa will come to your house on whatever day your daddy’s home. And now that I’m not working full time it’s way easier – you can imagine  trying to coordinate schedules was sometimes the most stressful part of our lives. And yes, it can be hard on our kids. Not just the holiday part, but the traveling in general. I always try to remind them that Dad may not be home on the weekends much, but a lot of the time he’s home when you get home from school and is there when most parents AREN’T.

Mtyh: Pilots are rich.

Well, we make a comfortable living and we are very blessed. But, as one of our friends once said, “you know, I always thought pilots were like REALLY WEALTHY. You all are just normal.” Yup. Blessed to have a roof over our heads and enough money for everything we need and many things we want, but normal. We drive older cars and are a tad behind on college savings. And keep in mind, it doesn’t take much to medical out (read: go on disability) so we really have to be careful with our finances. Also, Scott can only legally work as a pilot until age 65, so retirement planning takes a lot of our monthly nut. Which is why I’ve always worked full-time until just recently.

Pilots are really, really cool.

Well, I happen to agree with this one as they are typically those individuals who would quickly run into a burning building to help someone in need. But let’s also remember that these are men and women who adore aviation and all those buttons and dials and read outs and weather reports. So, um, how do I say this without offending anyone? They’re kind of nerds. At least the ones I like;).

Yes, our lives are a tad unconventional and some parts of it get downright exhausting at times. He was up at 3:30 am this morning, for example, and will be gone the next 4 days. I’m very used to holding down this fort by myself, but then immediately jumping into co-parenting and partnering when he gets back (no, that’s not true, I’m not great at that but let’s pretend I am).

I’m not sure if I could recommend aviation to our kids – it’s all I’ve ever known but I hear there are some jobs where you have holidays off and sit at a desk and always know your schedule. Maybe those are just urban legends? But he loves it. So I love it, too.

So the next time you’re on a flight, think about the men and women in the cockpit (and the flight attendants working the flight). They’re just like you – they have spouses and kids and mortgages and a dog that may have thrown up on the carpet last night (true story). And they are, always, doing everything they can to get you where you need to go safely. So they can get there safely, too, and go home to all of that.

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