I have one young adult (20) and 2 teenagers (17) living in my home currently. All are male. All were classified as “strong willed” when they were young.

They are charming, funny, good looking (if I do say so myself) and are turning into the type of humans my husband and I would choose to be friends with. So that’s all good.

What’s not so good is that raising them and guiding them and counseling them is. . . .freaking exhausting. I mean physically, emotionally, spiritually EXHAUSTING.

And I don’t think they’re that unusual – it’s just that this season of life requires a lot from all of us. More than I ever imagined. So here are some things that are helping Scott and I stay sane and sober:

Be alert – especially in the middle of the night.

I am a woman who would be in heaven if I could go to bed at 9pm every night. That isn’t a good idea when you’re living with teenagers. A lot goes on after 10pm and even more goes on after midnight, and I’m not just talking about making sure nobody sneaks out (although that is a thing). Teenagers seem to do their best interacting VERY late. So I’m adjusting my sleep patterns to be sure I have the energy to have that conversation when the mood strikes. Once they’re out of here I can get back to bedtimes that represent the little old lady I truly am inside.

“Your kids will be fine. They just won’t be fine tomorrow.”

A very wise friend told me that the other day. It’s something her mom said to her in the midst of her difficult years with her girls, and it really resonated with me. Another way to say it? They are a work in progress. My expectations need to be appropriate and my heart needs to stay steady. Scott and I have to stick in there with them and not loose our heads.

We have to move from Management to Consulting

Managers tell employees what to do. Consultants advise. Management has been the nature of our relationship all their lives. We give the direction, they follow it. And if they don’t there  are consequences. Now, however, it’s time to start the slow process of moving to consulting. We are almost completely there with the 20 year old. Instead of “don’t do that. That’s a horrible idea.” We now say (or try to) “that’s interesting. Tell me, have you considered this?” (although sometimes we still yell “are you freaking kidding me” in our not so perfect parenting moments which, let’s face it, are most of them).

This is a far tougher road than we realized it would be and it requires our hearts and our heads to be in the game. I must admit I’ve given up the expectation that they will all 3 be wildly successful and have amazing lives that fit my version of “amazing”. I’m now really down to just wanting them to be happy, peaceful, joy -filled humans. And for them to survive.

May we all get through this together. I’m pulling for us.