I am in a place I call The Big Silent.

Part of being me is an “all forward” or “all retreat” mentality. I don’t seem to have a middle setting. Sometimes I write and am on social media all day – I have so much to say and so much to hear. It’s an open time where the exchanges are fast and happy and energizing. My writing is prolific and (to me, anyway) important. The words, good and bad, must get out.

But there’s been a lot of that lately, and I now want to be alone. Maybe with a book or the latest O Magazine. With just myself. No music, no noise. Well, maybe my dogs. They can be there.

You see, when I start to have too much “out there” my battery slowly drains. And solitude and silence are the only remedies for my drained battery. I have to withdrawn from the world a bit, remind myself where my center is, and just sit. And be still.

It’s why I believe we were made to Sabbath. And why God knew we were going to need that break. To just exist, not contribute. To just breathe, not speak.

The consequences if I neglect this time when it is calling to me?

Anger.

Overeating.

Crying and extreme empathy.

Lack of crying or empathy.

Physical pain.

In the only way one can learn a hard lesson, I have done it badly many, many times. I have ignored the stirring of my soul to silence. And the price I’ve paid has been high as I have slowly found myself becoming someone very disassociated from the person I know I am meant to be.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Be still. Be still. Be still.

Because the world will go on even if I am not the center of it. And the election and the atrocities and the causes and the pain will still be there when I come out of the Big Silent.

Because there is a God. And I am not him.